BABY I'M HOWLIN' FOR YOU

we are nothing. being something wasn’t easy. becoming nothing wasn’t easy. but facing the facts is easy. we are nothing.

I did it. I ended the toxic friendship I was in. I stopped being a coward. Even though I hurt myself I ended it. It is done.

I feel nothing but my own regret.

today was a waste. this week was a waste.

i don’t know how to stop this.

you don’t give me more, you give me less.

you say you will change, but you do not.

you make me wrong, you make me worse.

i hate you and yet i can’t leave.

i want you gone, i want your recklessness gone, i want your irresponsibility gone, i want your influence gone.

i would rather be alone than this terrible person i become when i am with you.

Happy birthday to me!

and i will love you
but you won’t know how to love me
you won’t know how to help me

it is a waste of what i give
most of all it is a waste of what you can give
give to someone within your capacity

do not give to someone you cannot save.

and today i am dead.

two hours away from my shift ending.
yet five minutes away from having a breakdown and quitting.

i don’t feel good again. :c

and i carve

wish you were here

into my skin

and into my veins

i miss you.